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We have Funny Poems in English for you, in which we have written a lovely poem about the beauty of Mother, which you will enjoy reading.
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Funny Poems in English
1. Don’t Be Silly
Are there bugs that live on the moon?
Can July come before June?
Can the sun ever feel cold?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.
Why can’t we live under the sea?
The creatures there seem so happy.
Why does cheese look like gold?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.
So why are things the way they are?
Has it always been, right from the start?
Will Mickey Mouse ever get old?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.
So, in good time I know I’ll grow,
And I will learn, this I know.
I’ll ask my questions and be bold,
“And that’s not silly” I’ll be told.
….Dave Moran
2. “Missing”
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are on my head!
….Anne Scott
Famous Funny Poems
3. “A Snow Man”
Oh, the beautiful snow!
We’re all in a glow—
Nell, Dolly, and Willie, and Dan;
For the primest of fun,
When all’s said and done,
Is just making a big snow man.
Two stones for his eyes
Look quite owlishly wise,
A hard pinch of snow for his nose;
Then a mouth that’s as big
As the snout of a pig,
And he’ll want an old pipe, I suppose.
Then the snow man is done,
And to-morrow what fun
To make piles of snow cannon all day,
And to pelt him with balls
Till he totters and falls,
And a thaw comes and melts him away.
….Anonymous
4. How to Paint A Wall
While I went off to work one day,
She decided to paint the wall.
And when I came back home that night,
She was curled into a ball.
Her eyes were closed, she was breathing hard,
Her hair was very wet.
From her head to the tips of her pretty toes,
She was covered all in sweat.
She was wrapped in a jacket made of down,
With a fur coat on top of that.
The wall was glowing with new, fresh paint;
On the floor, the paint can sat.
“Sweetheart!” I cried, with a worried look,
“Are you all right, my dear?”
She lazily opened her lovely eyes,
And smiled from ear to ear.
“I knew I could do it,” she said with a grin;
“I followed the paint can notes.
It clearly said ‘For best results,
Be sure to put on two coats.'”
….Joanna Fuchs
5. Help Wanted
Santa needs new reindeer.
The first bunch has grown old.
Dasher has arthritis;
Comet hates the cold.
Prancer’s sick of staring
at Dancer’s big behind.
Cupid married Blitzen
and Donder lost his mind.
Dancer’s mad at Vixen
for stepping on his toes.
Vixen’s being thrown out—
she laughed at Rudolph’s nose.
If you are a reindeer
we hope you will apply.
There is just one tricky part:
You must know how to fly.
….Timothy Toucher
Buy This Best English Poem Book Now
6. “My One-Eyed Love”
I’ve fallen in love—I don’t know why
I’ve fallen in love with a girl with one eye.
I knew from the start. It was plain to see
That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me
She’s charming and witty and jolly and jocular
Not what you’d expect from a girl who’s monocular.
Of eyes—at the moment—she hasn’t full quota
But that doesn’t change things for me one iota.
It must be quite difficult if you’re bereft.
If your left eye is gone and your right eye is left.
But she’s made up her mind. She’s made her decision.
She can see it quite clearly in 10/20 vision.
She’ll not leave me waiting, not left in the lurch
If she looks slightly sideways she’ll see me in church.
I’ll marry my true love who’s gentle and kind.
And thus prove to everyone that loves not quite blind.
….Andrew Jefferson
Extremely Funny Poems
7. The Silliest Teacher in School
Our teacher gave detention
to the fountains in the hall.
She handed extra homework
to the artwork on the wall.
We saw her point a finger
at a banner and a sign.
She said their bad behavior
was completely out of line.
The principal approached her
and said, “What is all this fuss?
I heard you tried to punish
all the tires on a bus.
“You’ve made the teachers angry
by disrupting all their classes,
so if you want to keep this job,
you have to wear your glasses!”
….Darren Sardelli
8. “Granny”
Through every nook and every cranny
The wind blew in on poor old Granny
Around her knees, into each ear
(And up nose as well, I fear)
All through the night the wind grew worse
It nearly made the vicar curse
The top had fallen off the steeple
Just missing him (and other people)
It blew on man, it blew on beast
It blew on nun, it blew on priest
It blew the wig off Auntie Fanny—
But most of all, it blew on Granny!
….Spike Milligan
9. My Cat Is Fat
I’ve a cat named Vesters,
And he eats all day.
He always lays around,
And never wants to play.
Not even with a squeaky toy,
Nor anything that moves.
When I have him exercise,
He always disapproves.
So we’ve put him on a diet,
But now he yells all day.
And even though he’s thinner,
He still won’t come and play.
….James McDonald
Also read – Rain Poem
10. “Our Imperfect Dog”
We love our dog with all our hearts,
But not so much her stinky farts.
Her doggy breath is less than fresh,
Yet we hug her nonetheless.
From barking she will not refrain.
The house and yard are her domain.
Park on the street or walk on past,
And you will likely cop a blast.
Meter readers, couriers,
Serve to make her furious.
Possums, lizards, neighbour’s cat,
Will not be shown the welcome mat.
In the name of crime prevention,
Airspace gets the same attention.
We feel safe, it must be said,
From birds that dare fly overhead.
She wages war with the lawn mower,
Outdoor sweeper and leaf blower.
And switching on the vacuum cleaner
Won’t bring out her best demeanour.
This causes some embarrassment,
This doggy form of harassment,
But she does provide protection,
And for that we feel affection.
Once introductions make the rounds,
Her friendliness, it knows no bounds.
Though not all guests are fully rapt
With thirty kilos on their lap.
Should you leave your nice warm chair,
On your return you’ll find her there.
And when she’s urged to please vacate,
She’ll turn into a limp, dead weight.
To baths she has a strong aversion,
Desperate to avoid immersion.
Yet she’ll display her dive technique
In any muddy pond or creek!
We give her scratches, make her smile.
Give an inch, she’ll take a mile.
Stop and she’ll demand still more,
Prodding you with paw and claw.
“She’s got character!” we all say.
At times it’s just a nicer way
Of saying she’s our problem child,
Kinda crazy, kinda wild.
For all her faults we love her dearly
And in turn she loves us clearly.
She’s our funny, gorgeous girl.
We wouldn’t trade for all the world.
….Cynthia C. Naspinksi
Funny Poems about Life
11. Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
was known for eating all things odd.
The thing that bothered me the most
has he spread toothpaste on his toast?
“It’s springtime fresh, so cool and minty.”
His smiling eyes were bright and squinty.
On baked potatoes, he would slather
one half can of shave cream lather.
I don’t know how his tum could cope
as he ingested cubes of soap.
At times his food choice made a scene;
at least he kept his innards clean.
….Denise Rodgers
12. “The People Upstairs”
The people upstairs all practise ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
Their radio is louder than yours,
They celebrate week-ends all the week.
When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
They try to get their parties to mix
By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
And when their fun at last abates,
They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
I might love the people upstairs more
If only they lived on another floor.
….Ogden Nash
13. “Phantasmagoria”
“And as to being in a fright,
Allow me to remark
That Ghosts have just as good a right
In every way, to fear the light,
As Men to fear the dark.”
“No plea,” said I, “can well excuse
Such cowardice in you:
For Ghosts can visit when they choose,
Whereas we Humans ca’n’t refuse
To grant the interview.”
He said “A flutter of alarm
Is not unnatural, is it?
I really feared you meant some harm:
But, now I see that you are calm,
Let me explain my visit.
“Houses are classed, I beg to state,
According to the number
Of Ghosts that they accommodate:
(The Tenant merely counts as weight,
With Coals and other lumber).
….Lewis Carroll
14. Where do all the teachers go?
Where do all the teachers go
When its four o’clock?
Do they live in houses
And do they wash their socks?
Do they wear pajamas?
And do they watch TV?
And do they pick their noses
The same as you and me?
Do they live with other people
Have they mums and dads?
And were they ever children
And were they ever bad?
Did they ever, never spell right
Did they ever make mistakes?
Were they punished in the corner
If they pinched the chocolate flakes?
Did they ever lose their hymn books
Did they ever leave their greens?
Did they ever scribble on the desktop
Did they wear old dirty jeans?
I’ll follow one back home today
I’ll find out what they do
Then I’ll put it in a poem
That they can read to you.
….Peter Dixon
Funny Poem about Getting Old
15. Jack
Jack was quite nimble,
Jack was quite quick,
Jack gave the beanstalk
A mighty big kick.
Down came the giant—
GIGANTIC fall—
Bottoms up in a crater,
Thus ending it all.
….Jane Yolen
16. Sweet Misery
When I fell in love with you,
it made a wreck of me.
I feel so dazed and dizzy
that it’s hard for me to see.
I get too hot and sweat a lot.
I hardly eat a bite.
My pulse beats like a kettle drum
and keeps me up at night.
My stomach hurts, and I go down
as if I’ve got the bends.
Love’s causing me sweet misery–
I hope it never ends!
….Susanna Rose
17. Cake Of Friendship
Preheat the oven of love
With plenty of secrets and hugs
Mix in giggles and laughs
That make your sides split in half
Bake with the love and care
And all the things you both should share
Decorate with the frosting of trust
This is really a must
Enjoy the cake do not eat it fast
Just like your new friendship make it last.
….Michelle Flores
18. Its Funny How
Its funny how hello is always accompanied with good-bye
Its funny how remembering good memories can make you cry
Its funny how forever never seems to really last
Its funny how much you’d lose if you forgot your past
Its funny how friends can just leave you when you’re down
Its funny how when you need someone there never around
Its funny how people can change and think there so much betta
Its funny how many lies can be packed into one love letta
Its funny how people can forgive even tho they cant forget
Its funny how one night can catain of so much regret
Its funny how crazy and ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all is that none of that seems funny to me
….Heather Noble
Funny Poem in English Short
19. The Crocodile
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale.
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
….Lewis Carroll
20. Substitute
Hurray! We heard our teacher
cannot be with us today.
Instead, we’ll have a substitute.
(We’ll make her earn her pay.)
Michael will throw spit wads,
and Brandon will eat chalk.
Patrick will poke David,
and all of us will talk.
We smiled and laughed with pleasure
as these thoughts filled every head,
until we found our teacher
sent the principal instead!.
….Denise Rodgers
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Also read – Poem on Water in English
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